Behavioral Characteristics of Children Experiencing Domestic Violence

Children in domestic violence situations are found in all socio-economic, educational, ethnic, racial and age groups. They are psychologically abused and may be verbally, physically and sexually abused. Often they engage in excessive minimization and denial.

Children in violent homes are characterized by:

• A combination of limited tolerance for frustration, poor impulse control and martyr like suffering –externalized/internalized anger.

• Sadness, depression, stress disorders and psychosomatic complaints; absences from school, pre-delinquent and delinquent behavior.

• Combination of poor impulse control & continual hopefulness that the situation will improve.

• Economic and emotional dependence; high risk for alcohol/drugs, sexual acting out, running away, isolation, loneliness and fear.

• Very shaky definition of self – grappling with childlike responses of parents for modeling; poor definition of self and defines self in parenting role (role reversal).

• Low self-esteem, seeing self and siblings with few options or expectations to succeed.

• Mixture of hope/depression that there is no way out; peer group can be most important contact, if available.

• Increased social isolation, increased peer isolation or complete identification with peers. Poor social skills.

• Bargaining behavior with parents; attempts to prove self; compliant, but may run away, feeling powerlessness.

• Constant fear and terror for own life as well as parents’; confusion and insecurity.

• Increasing deceptiveness; lying, excuses for outings, stealing, cheating.

• Poor definition of personal boundaries, violation of others’ personal boundaries. Accepting blame or projecting blame.

• Little or no understanding of the dynamics of violence; often assumes it to be the norm.

• Self-blame (depending on age) for family feuding, separations, divorce and internal conflicts.

• Continuation of abuse pattern in adult life.

• Frequently participating in pecking, battering (maim or kill animals, batter siblings); often batters parents in later years.

• Poor problem solving skills; may use violence as problem-solving technique in school, with peers, with family (appears as early as pre-school); demonstrates aggression or passivity.

• Poor sexual image, uncertainty about appropriate behavior; confused mode identification, immaturity in peer relationships.

• Being at higher risk for assaults (either as witnesses or victims) during mother’s pregnancy.

• Heightened suicide risks and attempts – increased thoughts of suicide and/or murdering parents, prone to negligence and carelessness.

• Feeling used and powerless in all decisions (age specific) regarding custody issues.

<- Back to Main Page