Talking to Someone About Their Abusive Relationship - What to Say

1. I’m sorry this has happened to you.
Acknowledge you have heard what has been said, that you have heard it and are listening. Acknowledge the courage it takes to disclose abuse and the strength it takes to survive. Your opportunity to EMPATHIZE.

2. No one deserves to be abused.
VALIDATE what has happened. This is a universal statement and an opportunity to connect with the survivor.

3. It’s not your fault.
Don’t minimize the violence or blame the victim. The batterer is accountable and responsible for his/her choices and behaviors.

4. You are not alone.
“I’m glad you shared this with me. Battering is a widespread social problem and yet we often feel so alone. There are others who have been through this.” We can counteract the paralyzing isolation so often at the heart of the abuse. By GENERALIZING, we help the survivor understand the battering is not about who they are or what they did, but about their partner’s attempt to maintain power and control.

5. There is help.
“Talking about this can really help. It’s a first step. Here is some information that you might find helpful, either now or in the future. You are courageous for surviving this.” EMPOWER the survivor by offering information choices, safe space and support

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